Written June 21, 2019
I’ve had feelings like this before. Like a pull, a calling to be away from everything and be with somebody, (I would later realise it was to be with Him)I didn’t always understand it. Last time it happened was about two months ago — I temporarily went off social media as a result.
Fast forward to this month. In the past two weeks, it’s been so strong. I felt a pull away from people, from things, to simply isolate myself. And I felt a hunger to be in the Word, to fellowship with the Holy Spirit (it wasn’t the usual fellowship, it was as if God needed to share some things with me) so I began studying the books of Samuel and Kings, praying and unconsciously drifting from people and things. Unconsciously. (Although sometimes when I noticed, I would worry it was something negative so would involve with people, chatting and being with people) But deep down I knew it wasn’t something negative because I was cheerful, I had joy and peace.
I also felt like I should go on a fast but I has just prepared one baaaad efo riro so but I got lazy about it LOL. That feeling of going on a fast came on so strong yesterday but I still went on ahead to make breakfast — brown bread with butter and eggs, baked beans, sausages and ham. It was a pleasant breakfast but I had ZERO appetite for it. It tasted like sawdust in my mouth and for the rest of the day, I had no appetite for food. I wanted to but I just couldn’t.
So last night while watching some sermons on Youtube, I had just finished a wonderful sermon on fellowshipping by John Piper and was looking for something on spiritual hunger by Apostle Joshua Selman when a video caught my eye. It was “The Mystery of Waiting” by Apostle Joshua Selman, now usually I would save the video so I do not get distracted but it was only about 9 mins so I decided to watch it. I ended up watching that video over three times. Apostle Selman talked briefly about exactly how I was feeling — how God isolates people sometimes when He is calling them into the deep… into The Secret Place. (Btw, I had created a playlist on my phone to pray with earlier this month, I named it “Worship” but about a week after, I felt I needed to create a more intimate playlist and I did. Guess what I named it?The Secret Place. I just love how the Holy Spirit directs our paths without us even being aware sometimes)
I like how my friend, Sam puts this experience — he says it’s almost like the case with Elijah and the angel of God when he said “Get up and eat, for the journey is still far”
You need to watch that video. Some people are reaching out, thinking I am depressed but no, I can’t be depressed. However one person reached out to me when he saw the posts on my Whatsapp status and shared how he’s felt the same way too. Isn’t the Holy Spirit awesome?! We don’t take this gift of hunger for granted. Thank you God!